Wavin' BYE to the year! Kissin' 2011 HELLO! :)

 2010

This year has been a year, all right. This year felt long, but also I can't believe it's over already either.

To sum it up:
I dumped a guy, spent NYE alone, broke 4 bones in my foot, spent Valentines day w/ the best girl ever, saw Jimmy Buffett, watched everyone have babies, get married & break-up, had an awesome birthday ( leg cast & all!), quit my job, took a chance, moved far, far away from all my friends & life I'd known, worked the worst job ever over the summer, moved in with family, started nursing school, went on A LOT of weird & horrible dates, met my sister who I hadn't seen since I was like 5, met some new awesome people, read all the harry potter books, took lots of pictures, realized I can't live without Facebook, broke a laptop, got a new laptop, was the third wheel way too many times, ditched the iPhone, got a blackberry, rode my first taxi and started a blog!


Here's to making 2011 the best year I've had yet, to never being too busy to call my friends, never being too tired to play a board game, and to ALWAYS making a wish at 11:11 (they've been coming true!!)

OFF TO PARTY :)  

Things I want!

Here's stuff from my 'things I want' folder on my computer. Some of them are lame, some of them are WAY down the road (i.e- bridal dress), and some are just silly :)

A happy, healthy relationship (please excuse stock photo)

To look good in a dress like this!

To be a fit bride

Eventually, laser hair removal (but she has hairy legs? I dont get it)

Betsey Johnson Cocktail Dress :)

Go on my first cruise!

When I get my first job as a nurse, buy myself a Kia Sorento :)

As much as I don't want a Kindle, I WANT one just as bad.

A koi pond! When I get a house I am making one of these!

Long, NATURAL hair. No thank you to nappy extensions. My hair is getting there (thank you Mane & Tail!!)

a NICE dslr camera. I am a good photographer- seriously!

See Michael Buble in concert. SEE michael buble IN REAL LIFE. Enough said.

I want one of these, but can't justify buying one just yet. Oh, it's an Instyler.

This bikini! Hopefully I look this good in it too.

This hello kitty 59fifty hat.

This necklace! Too bad it's like... $5k

TO GO TO PUBLIX!! I miss Publix more than I miss some people, and that's sad..but true.

To learn the drums!!

To do a push-up well, AND be smiling while I do it.

New Balance "trubalance'' shoes!

XM/Sirius radio in my car. I miss this SO much from my old car! Maybe for my bday present to myself?

That's all for now folks!

<3 Whitney

Life List

I'm definitely someone who always has my 'head in the clouds'. It's a good thing in my opinion because I'm always trying to better myself & work toward the things I want, whether material or emotional 'things'. I'm always thinking of what I want one day, how I can get there, I have an on-going list I add to basically on a daily basis. I asked a few people, and somehow no one I know has a life list!! Ya know.. the list of stuff you wanna do before you die; better known as a 'bucket list'.

I have a Google docs list titled "Someday I will...." of about 300 things. Some of them are dumb and ridiculous (#90-Have a couples caricature done... #97-Go to Punkin Chunkin!) but who cares- it's my life & my list! I just kinda think of things and say 'hey- let me add that to the list!' I try & live my life in a way that I can look back and be glad I did what I did, and also I do lots of things just for the story it will be to tell. One of my biggest fears is regretting NOT doing something. I fear a boring, mundane life. Not that I don't want a 'routine'- because anyone who knows me knows I'm a planner in a bad way (working on not being so OCD about that in 2011!) But.. I mean I don't want to miss fun opportunities & look back and be like 'oh.. I'm 45 & have nothing fun to talk about & regret everything I didn't do'.

The point of this is- am I totally crazy for having a list?! I'm not saying these are set in stone, but it's certainly nice to cross something off & keep a list & look back at all the cool things I've done.

Tata for now!
P.S- Today was Day 1 of working toward #3- Reaching my goal weight & keeping it off (for ONCE!) 2011 is gonna be my year, and I plan on crossing off LOTS of my Life List goals! :)

Moving at our own pace

I've been seriously struggling lately with comparing myself to my peers. I know it's what the twenties decade is all about- but I honestly feel like EVERYONE I know, besides probably less than 10 people are either: pregnant, engaged, married, or about to be married. It seems as though at least twice a week I am finding out about someone else who is pregnant from my high school/hometown. In other news, I found out today that my ex boyfriend was 'gifted' a house and moving to Cali with his girlfriend (who he started dating a week after I dumped him). For some reason this bothered me because when I dated him he was like the total opposite! He lived at home with his parents, had no goals.. ugh just a loser. Anyway; I know I made a good decision by moving on, because he wasn't 'the one'. Still, it kind of bothered me to hear that because I wish I was more ahead in my life than I am.  I feel like my life hasn't exactly panned out as planned (which is fine, plans don't usually work out anyway) and I'm having a hard time accepting that. Everything happens for a reason though, and time will bring all my goals & dreams to fruition. Not being the independent person I've been for the past 6 years basically. Like I mentioned last night, that was part of my identity. People always were impressed with me and how responsible and independent I was. Between losing that (by moving in with family, and being unemployed) and my 'Florida' roots, it's been confusing!

I am glad my life has rolled the way it has though, even with the ups and downs, because if things hadn't happened the way they have, I wouldn't be who I am today. Quite honestly, I'm proud and happy with who I've become. I am SO different than I was even just two years ago. Breaking up a toxic relationship was step #1 to finding who I really am:
-I found out I don't need a boyfriend to be happy.
-I also found out how much I value my alone time.
-I realize I am determined, spontaneous, and value true friendships.
-Change is good, even if it's hard at first.
-I can stick up for myself, without being a bitch (most of the time!)
-I'm pretty damn funny & giving advice.

Do you struggle with comparing yourself to your peers? Let me know what you think!

Changes

I moved from Florida to Delaware in March of this year and I've found myself struggling with my identity. I am clinging to my Floridian roots more than I thought I would. I absolutely dread the day I have to get rid of my Florida tag and get a DELAWARE driver's license! For some reason I feel like it means a slow death when I make this change. It's a bit dramatic.. I know. :)

I just read an article in Self magazine that made me realize how much I am struggling with this move. The article was about a woman whose husband got a job in Texas, which meant she had to move from her roots in NYC. She felt her identity was 90% being a New Yorker. I am struggling with the same thing; I feel like "who am I?" since I moved. Don't get me wrong; the move was a GREAT thing, even though I miss my friends a LOT. (well, a select few!) I am closer to my family, in nursing school finally, and able to spend time with my family more than I could before. Oh.. and also.. there are SEASONS! I hate the heat with a passion. I hadn't even been to a beach in over 3 years, and I only lived about 20 minutes away from one.

I figured I'll eventually get a Florida tribute tattoo and it could be my way of clinging to that part of my life. It's time to figure out the 'new' me though; I can't exactly play the 'I just moved here from Florida' card much longer.. it's been like 9 months already! I find myself making excuses for things and using that 'card' often. For example.. all the roads up here are numbers. I am already directionally-disabled and get lost EVERYWHERE. It doesn't help that the roads are numbers! I literally have no idea when people tell me about where something is. Thank god for GPS! I still manage to get lost though.

Either way; it's definitely a work in progress, but I'm working on finding who I am now, today. Florida was a big part of me, but now it's time to figure out who I am without that.

What do you find yourself clinging to, or relating to as a big part of your identity?

P.S- An ex boyfriend of mine started talking to me recently and I am slowly re-realizing why we broke up.. yikes! Why did I like this guy?!

Is it just me?

Do any other women fear commitment just as much as (most) men do? Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't want a boyfriend..I'd love one. BUT- as far as getting married, it terrifies me. Well, not necessarily the getting married part but the 50/50 chance of divorce! As far as my life goes, the marriages I've seen it seems like the wife is a slave and gave up all her hopes and dreams and feels like she missed out on things. Why would I want to feel that way!? I know a successful marriage isn't actually like that, and it is what you make of it (just like most things in life), but it's scary to me, how many people seem so miserable. I was involved with a guy for almost 5 years just  about and I think that falling apart is another reason I am a little scared of the inevitable when it comes to commitment and marriage. Even though I was young when that fell apart (21), I still feel like if it didn't work then- will it work next time?

I am about to be 23 years old and I, quite honestly, get freaked out at the thought of being married one day. I know eventually it will happen, but right now it's kind of a daunting thought.

What's your opinion? How do I change my image of marriage from slavery to a happy partnership?